So it's been a dull couple of days hence the few posts. I had some tutoring to do, working with Chris, and just having a relatively dull weekend. I think the one thing that ticked me off was that I was going to see Prince of Persia with Chris but then last minute just as I picked him up he tells me he doesn't want to see it because it looks "too scary". The thing that's annoying is that he's 21 and I don't see how an action movie like the Prince is scary but I suppose for Chris, his mind is like a 4 year old's not 21..
What else to talk about? My summer's going quite well, I'm enjoying it a great deal. My autism has appeared to be at an all time low for quirks. Though it wasn't that way originally. Since I'm so use to structure, having gotten into summer it took me a while for me to finally get into a sort of structure. Apparently otherwise I act very "off" and very hyper at the same time. I might have talked about this before, but I don't think I did...
Anyway, that's all for today's post. This is counting as Friday to Sunday's posts, I hope you don't mind I just figure I covered basically everything regarding this weekend. So talk to you all Monday! Sean
So quick summary of the day: got up, had to turn on the stupid pump for the pool but it means our pool will hopefully be open sooner than later, worked with Chris which wasn't bad since we watched the rest of Monsters Vs Aliens which is such a good film :p and then just went back home. Autism-wise, I think the only part that happened was when I saw two friends of mine at the mall (went there too :P). The thing was, they looked different so I was so unsure about whether I should say hi because what if it wasn't them? Then I'd feel soooo awkward. This probably isn't autism :P but I just have to say maybe it is?
Question for you all though on a general scale. Do you find that in this world, we're all secretly being graded? And I don't mean in school, I mean in public, in our friendships, our relationships, everything? I feel as though no matter what we're doing, even if just enjoying a movie with our friends, we're secretly being graded on how we act, what we do, and who we are. But I suppose that's how life is really; we're constantly being judged and placed next to a standard of how people are suppose to be, and if you are against that standard, you're generally shunned for it and separated from "the herd" if you will. This especially applies in more conservative areas, because everyone in those areas want you to follow their rules so if you try and go against it, or are different, you get kicked to the curb.
This I find is very true because throughout high school, I found that many people seemed that they liked me, but as the years went by, more and more people I found were becoming two faced. For example, students council president, I felt I had strong support and a lot of people in the school liked me, but then at the end when I lost, I found out I lost hard because I only got such a small amount of votes. Basically it just made me go "huh" because so many people had said they'd vote for me because of what I believed was best for the school, and then they turned around and voted for the other candidates. Why? It's plain and simple, the fact is because my autism resulted in me often acting weird with friends or getting in their personal spaces or talking more than I should on topics, as a result people just saw me as weird and therefore would treat me one way to my face but wind up actually being total idiots behind my back. What's more, at one point some idiot of a girl who had pretended to be my friend, created a group called "We Hate Sean" and it basically became a group of about 30 people, though more like 20 since ten were trying to defend me, who would bash me and talk about weird things I did. Such as the fact in music class, I was trying to help this one girl with her solo because I like to try and help people as much as I can, and on the site she goes and says something like "oh he tried to help me with my solo when he can't even sing", yet funny enough it was me getting the 80s and 90s on solos and her getting the 60s...(I apologize if that sounds as though I'm being petty, I'm just saying that I gave her my time when I could have practiced my solo to help her, and she goes around and slams me behind my back. The one good thing about this group was it helped show me who were my true friends, and who were petty fake people who frankly deserved no friends except those who were on that group. I really should have reported it to the Principal since it was cyber-bullying, but I felt I was strong enough to deal with it on my own, which I was slowly becoming more confident in myself. But when I look back, I almost wish I had reported it because then some of the people who had joined who are like 80+ well-respected students would have wound up expelled and it would have shown so many who they really were. But like I said, I'm not that type of person, and I just couldn't do that so I dealt with it on my own by reporting it to Facebook for it's removal and it was removed.
But like I said, it seems we're always being graded as to whether we fit the norm, or fit outside of it. This is another reason why I feel I belong in Toronto or New York or Hollywood, because unlike a place like St. Thomas or London, etc. it's a place that accepts those who perhaps are theatrical, or a bit over the top sometimes. So that's my rant for today. I hope you all enjoyed it and I appreciate you reading :D
So I'm finally home from Florida and it was such an awesome time! Yesterday was definitely an...interesting day though because my nephew Mason was cranky most of the way home except during the flight which he thankfully was very calm. Anyway, none the less, it was a good trip though I felt so freaking exhausted and got to bed early last night...though 3AM really isn't "early".
Autism-wise, I think the only thing that happened yesterday was I was worried I was talking Tam's (my sister-in-law) ear off when we were driving home so I wound up apologizing more than once which of course was kind of silly :P.
That's all for talking about yesterday. I'll post again later today about how my day went today.
So to begin with, wow it's been an amazing vacation but I can't wait to be home. Autism-wise I'll say the things I've noticed most were 1. worrying overly about my sister who is older than me having been at the resort bar longer than she had said so of course I feel like I need to check on her which is just silly. The other thing also being times where I'm just like talking about stuff more than I really need to. This could be autistic, this might not be, none the less.
Florida's been amazing though, minus several headaches I've been having. River Island which is a mini water area with lazy river and two water slides, as well as a large inflatable water slide and mini golf, was so much fun as it always is, and West Village which was the main area that existed before it expanded was fun as usual.
Seeing Shrek: Forever After was a lot of fun. It was a great way to conclude the Shrek series with Shrek learning a valuable lesson (just like every other heartwarming tale -_-). But ti was still a good film minus it following along the usual storyline for heart-warmers....
That's all for today! I'm looking forward to returning home where we're suppose to get like 90 degree weather (25-30 Celsius for Canadians like me) when I return home which is wonderful though unlike in Florida where it's a nice heat, in my area it's going to be more a very humid heat which kind of sucks but it's better than 60 (10-15 degree) weather...
Anyway, that's all for today my friends like I said! Sean
So I apologize for being so late in my posts. I hope you will forgive me :p. I may not post often this week being in Florida and all. Monday and Tuesday were periods of exhaustion because of all the traveling and at the same time, when it comes to my autism, I was so paranoid and nervous about flying, that basically as a result I was just upset in my stomach and couldn't eat anything. It just really was unfortunate because then when I got to where my parents were staying, I ate just soooo much and probably put on fifty pounds :P.
Florida is beautiful as always, with temperatures in the high 80s/low 90s. The resort we're staying is absolutely beautiful (we've stayed here before) and it's just an awesome time. I really hope the rest of my trip goes great, and I also hope that come time to return, it will be a safe return and I won't feel so ill again...
That's all for today. Hope you won't mind breaks this week just because of being in Florida... Sean
So normal day today. Work, tutoring, and just enjoying life. I think the only autistic thing that actually happened today was the case that when talking to the boy I tutor, I may have not known when to shut up :P
As for what I want to talk about, I do have to say the other thing I've noticed about my autism is that I almost freak out when I lose internet which I think is kind of ridiculous on my part. Like I get to the point where I'm just praying that the internet comes back on, connecting and reconnecting the modem and router just to try and get it back instead of just being patient and waiting for Rogers (the company I'm with) to fix it. So why is that? Why is it that we've come to rely so much on technology? It seems as though as a population we can no longer survive without having technology. What happened to a good book? Or going and performing music or going to an old fashioned concert without the need for amplifiers and such? Frankly it's quite ridiculous that now we've even reached the point in life where roommates in the same room as each other will use Instant Messaging to talk to each other.
That's just my opinion, and as you can see I am one of these very people and freak if I lose it. Now whether that's because of my autism or another reason, I don't know, but I do know it really is kind of sad.
So it was a sort of crummy/good day. I say crummy because I only got five hours of sleep last night. But I say good because it still was an enjoyable day, very relaxing once work was done and over with. I basically just played video games all night :P it was just so much fun. Autistic-wise, I think the only thing that happened was the over-stimulation by technology which is why when at Lauren's it took me so long to get to bed.
Now the title of my blog.
I have to ask everyone, what is it these days that has cheating on the rise. How many people do I know who had the sad pleasure of finding out their partners had cheated on them. So the reason I'm asking everyone is because to me it's a case of "Is cheating the new monogamy?" There was even a recent study about this one website that actually HELPS married people cheat, and interesting to find out, married women made up 75% of the people on the website! I'm sorry but is that ridiculous, have we really reached the level that cheating is the new definition of monogamy? Does everyone have to cheat to have a relationship?
Then there's the case of open relationships which basically just takes cheating to the next level, and basically makes cheating legal in a relationship. Frankly I have to ask, what happened to the whole true meaning of monogamy? Two people, bound together for life because of love. Apparently that's deceased now, and cheating is the new way to feel alive. I disagree, but who knows, maybe I'm just one of those old fashioned guys who actually believes in true love and monogamy.
Day went quite well, I headed to London because I was hanging out with Lauren today. We had dinner at Jack Astor's which is always fun, and fattening :P. Then we went and saw Letters to Juliet, which was a beautiful movie. While yes, it was the usual romantic comedy, at the same time there were some very touching moments. Amanda Seyfried did a wonderful job as Sophie, yes she had the same name as her Mamma Mia character, whom wrote to a woman Claire who had written a letter to Juliet fifty years prior to the present time. I would go more into it like I have before but I don't want to spoil it for any of you romance-goers.
I'll post some more later, but autism-wise all that happened was that I kept worrying I was saying the wrong things to Lauren but of course I wasn't. Just my being paranoid :p
So my day was another dull one. I had to work with Chris and already going to say that it was more of Chris's constant asking when we were leaving. But I'd say the only other thing that happened autistic wise was I was doing a minor amount of grocery shopping, just picking up some minor items, and I talked to the cashier mentioning that at a different variety store a jumbo sized container was cheaper than the small container. I think I should of just figured, why did I need to bring this up, but I guess it was one of those lovely occasions where you can't help but bring up something completely random and make an awkward situation. It might not be autism, but none the less, it was AWKWARD. :P
Another thing I need to say is regarding how some things I really hate about in the world. For example, I tried getting a job at this one store that has a specific area of focus, video games, and being that I'm a video game fanatic, you'd figure it'd be easy for me to get a job there. Instead I walk in to find this one girl from my high school is now working there, someone who last I checked has never been interested in video games. Plus when I walked in, she looked at me as though I was dirt on the bottom of her shoe and she treated me the same way too. It irritated me so much I can't even get it off my mind because it is so ridiculous.
Now, the title of my blog, the future. Frankly I've been doing some soul searching and I've come to realize that I really have no idea what the heck I want to do with my life. Well...I do, I want to be an actor more than anything. Even though it's been a while since I did dance, but I still know how to dance, I can sing (I didn't do poorly on my vocal classes, I actually did smashing, so I must have some voice), and I know I can act because I don't take it to the point of perfection. However, as you also know, I'm in a Psychology program as a back up. But the fact is, I'm not happy. I only am ever happy when I'm acting, and while some directors may not always make it amazing, I still love it. I've been acting for years, and I just know that it's what is for me, but sadly it's also very difficult to get into...especially in Hollywood where I really want to go, to help entertain millions. To me it's about bringing joy to people who see movies, and it's what I'd love to get into... This is just me thinking about it and expressing my love of it...
Anyway that's all tonight, Thanks for reading my friends, Sean
My day was a relatively normal. I had work with Chris as usual, in which we watched Brother Bear. I'd say the only thing that really happened was that I had to work on keeping myself once again from snapping at Chris. Odd thing that did happen was for some reason, Chris slapped himself in the face out of the blue. Not hard, but he still slapped himself which just confused me as to why he'd slap himself.
The thing I have to talk about today is Bullying, because recently a 13-year old from my city died because of bullying. Bullying is one of the worst things going on these days, but frankly it's one of the worst things that has been happening for centuries. Bullying can be found throughout every time period, from Napoleon Bonaparte, to the bullies who caused this boy's life to end. While I cannot really speculate what happened or how this boy's life ended because that would just be rude and irresponsible and probably even hurtful to the family, the fact is he was bullied and the school board won't even admit it despite apparent proof being everywhere.
Bullying is constantly happening, everyone bullies, or at least most do. Whether it's among races, sexual orientations, religions, it doesn't matter, bullying happens and we seriously need to figure out a way to stop this. But even if we're saying something bad about someone and they don't hear it, that's still bullying. It's just so beyond ridiculous that we can't just be nice to one another but the fact is, because we're all unique, people have to attack those who are different from them because it makes them feel powerful and in control.
So I apologize in advance because I have basically nothing to talk about today. I had a quiet day of playing video games, working with Chris, and tutoring. The autism thing that happened today is the same thing that's been happening the past three days with Chris. Simply a slight irritation that he had to keep asking me about when we were leaving.
So quick update on the day. I worked as always with Chris. No tutoring today as we got all of it finished on Friday. I think autism-wise the only thing that really happened was the whole Chris thing I explained yesterday. Make sure to read yesterday's post as I'm not going to explain it again.
As for what I want to talk about well it's pretty simple. It's this whole fact that so many of us (the population) dating and everything, it's been making me think, why do we date? Is it a case of wanting to be needed? Or is it love? I've been thinking a lot and I don't know, I've been finding that we all have this need to feel needed. Why is it that so many of us feel we need someone not necessarily to be happy, but just for the whole companionship and such. I may know these days I don't need a relationship to be happy, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't like one just for the benefits of a relationship. Someone to love, someone who loves you, someone to hang with, someone to treat, someone who treats you, and someone who knows you so completely. Why is this? Why do we need this sort of thing?
I think the reasoning behind this is sort of what my friend said to me. "You know how tough it is to raise your hand in class if you're the only one who doesn't "get" something, or if you have an opposing viewpoint? But as long as you have that one other person who feels the same way, it makes it SO much easier? It's the same sort of idea. We're getting confirmation that we're on the right track. And that makes things easier."
I suppose he's right, but for now all I can pose is a question for you. Why do you think we always have to be in a relationship? Why can't we just be single and be so content that we never worry? Like George Clooney for instance? He's a bachelor and seems just completely content with it. So tell me, what do you think?
Boring day today, comprised of work, and watching a lot of tv. :P
Now as for autism, well I think the only thing that happened was I got rather irritated (by this I mean not yelling, but just getting a bit more stern in my words) at Chris again because he kept asking what time we were leaving, for every minute or second that passed. I'd almost think that he has Alzheimer's now too because he's forgetting what I said, only five seconds after I say it. But it's clear that I'm just not telling him a specific way that allows him to understand. But I mean I tell him what time we're leaving. I tell him how many minutes till we leave. I tell him I'll tell him WHEN it's time to go. But no matter what I tell him, or how I tell him, he completely forgets that I just told him a minute ago and asks me again.
I suppose I understand him though, it really is just a case of impatience, but more importantly with Chris, it's a case that only certain things keep him focused. As a result, when he gets bored of what we're doing, he wants to go home, so he will constantly ask when we're leaving. It's simple as that. So as a result I keep telling him because I can't take him home yet.
So another day, another story. It really wasn't extremely busy, it was the usual work and tutoring. Autism-wise I think the only thing that happened was my whole being alone soon at home. I know I'll be safe, but for some reason I can't make that stick in my head to allow me to get sleep and everything...I feel as though as soon I as go to bed, someone will break in...when the last person who broke in was a friend (long story, won't go into it).
Anyway other than that, I'm seeing Iron Man 2 today which definitely is making me excited. I will definitely give everyone a review of it when I get back home.
As for the title of my blog? Well it's Adam Lambert's What Do You Want From Me. Which you can watch below or click it twice to head to it on YouTube.
So interesting stuff to tell today. It's something my mother recently realized I guess and something I suppose I've known for quite a while but I guess talking today more or less just brought it forward a bit more. Basically according to her, when I ramble and talk about things more and more and never stop, it can be very annoying. Which I already knew. But my Mom believes that in my brain, I'm just not cluing in that with this factor, it makes me seem unintelligent or a know-it-all or just makes people not really trust what I say. I'm not sure really how this works...but whatever.
Anyway, in case you can't tell, this basically was what happened autism-wise. I prattled on and on about something that happened in Glee today and as a result my mother came up with this above sort of paragraph (paraphrased by me as I can't completely remember exactly what she said).
Okay so I apologize for having posted the coming soon message, I just had been so exhausted for some reason yesterday that I had to get sleep and couldn't really write or think.
Anyway, what happened yesterday? It was a relatively busy day, banking to deposit some checks, Rogers Video to get a video game and return some, and then work with Chris. Now what do I need to talk about today? Nothing really, I just have nothing to talk about. Sad isn't it? But hopefully tomorrow, I'll have a more substantial post :p. (By tomorrow I mean later tonight lol).
Autism-wise, the only thing that happened was lingering on talking about Iron Man 2 the video game. My parents had to tell me to drop it in order to stop me from talking about it.
I hope everyone is doing well. My life is going relatively fine, and I'm in a relaxed state which is wonderful. Summer vacation is just absolutely exciting being done so early, the end of April I mean. Knowing that I have four months of complete freedom is absolutely the best thing I could ask for.
Now my day consisted of sleep, work, and watching some television. Autism-wise, I think the only thing that really happened was lingering on talking about my schooling with Chris's mother as we often chat after I drop him off.
Now here's a nice little war story (don't ask why I wrote this, I don't know lol) that I submitted for the Creative Writing course.
" The war has been going for five years, and I am here in the middle of it. I’ve watched countless people die on both sides. Watching people strewn across the battlefield, their eyes gazing at me with pity, yet dark due to their life having left them. Their expressions have left them, their minds are blank, their dreams and hopes for the future shattered because of this chaos.
I remember this one soldier I met the other day, a young boy, someone who couldn’t be older than eighteen years, shorter than me, thinner at me, only beginning his time in this battlefield, his face appearing to be the face of a fourteen year old. ‘How can someone this young be subjected to this horror?’ I asked myself, but he answered that question with a bright-eyed smile, ‘To protect my family!’ It broke my heart to hear that the boy joined the war to protect his family who was on the other side of the world. To think it would only be two years later that that boy would die. I saw it happen, and I remember it like it was yesterday. He had just been stabbed by a blade and was on the floor of the tent, bleeding profusely. He looked up at me with sorrow and pain, not believing he was dying as he hadn’t lived his life. I couldn’t bear to see him this way, the life fading from his body and his eyes growing dark. He asked me to tell his parents he loved them, and I agreed but I truly did not know how I could tell his parents their son was dead. If it were me, it would be a devastating blow and I can imagine that’s how it will be for them.
Now two years later, I’m still here in this war, watching the skies turn dark from the smoke of bombs, the land that was once full of grass, lush and green, is now barren and brown. Everyone’s faces, so youthful and full of vigor, now looking old and withered. Why? Why has this war gone on so long? We entered believing it would be a brief bout, last maybe a couple days, or months at most, and now it’s been five whole years.
This war given me a lot to think about however, more than I would normally think about in a year. When people get hurt, they learn to hate. When people hurt others, they become hated and are wracked with guilt. But it seems that knowing that pain allows people to be kind, and in turn pain allows us all to grow. I’ve seen people in this war be kind to children of this country simply because they’ve experienced the pain of this war and know what they’re causing the children is just as painful. But how we grow in this world is up to us. Once you know pain and think about that pain, you can try and find the answer of how to stop it. The problem is, one after another people still are dying, because finding the answer to stop pain is beyond our comprehension. Just by living, we hurt others in the attempt to avoid being hurt ourselves. Our very existence ensures that hatred will never disappear. Peace and harmony don’t exist, not in this tainted world. I think though that it’s no longer about bringing peace to the world necessarily, it’s about bringing peace to ourselves before we can even attempt to bring peace to this world. If we have hatred inside, if we have pain inside, we will never be able to bring peace because all we’d wind up doing is bringing our pain and hatred with it, starting over this endless cycle once more. I’ve had it with this pain and hate-filled world, and I can’t bear to watch this endless cycle go on any longer. I know it might mean the end of me, but I think that if I can end this meaningless war, losing my life will be worth it. This endless chain is like a curse for the world, but no longer. I will end this curse, and if any kind of peace exists, I will grab hold of it and never let go.
These thoughts I’ve had, have been developing over the past several years of being here. While I realize that they may be immature, or childish to think, but I truly believe I can put an end to this fighting. That peace is out there and I intend to find it no matter what it takes, even if I have to sacrifice my life to achieve it. I’d rather my own family live and enjoy the peace, then have to live in fear the rest of their lives. They may be safe on the other side of the world right now, but how long will it be before the war is brought to them. It’s already taken over nearly half of this side of the world, so I will stop it before it reaches anything else. For freedom, for justice, for life, I hereby swear in writing, that I will end this war by any means necessary." Some of the ideas about pain and such, are actually referenced from the manga Naruto as I liked how they put it and everything.
So question for everyone, why do we celebrate birthdays? Yes, yes, we've turned another year older and are developing more mentally everyday, maturing in our minds and erm...bodies. But anyhow, why do we celebrate growing older? Personally I think it's simply a factor that we celebrate that we are getting older and wiser and as a result will be able to look back on our years with more sensibility and respect, and also will be able to critique things in the past we've done that we felt could have been done differently. But what is your opinion on this? Am I right? Or do you think we celebrate birthdays for a completely different reason?
Why am I asking this question of you? It's quite simple, tomorrow is my 22nd birthday. Shocking no? 22 years I've been on this planet and frankly I simply can't believe that I'm 8 years away from the big 30. So anyway, that's basically all I have to say about this matter, and I want you to just think about why we celebrate birthdays. Maybe you'll get some ideas and want to share. If not, then share them with your friends :).
Just so you know, I may do this once in a while from now on. Instead of talking about my day, I'll ask you guys and gals questions to think about, or just talk about something I've been thinking about myself.
Autism-wise, today the only thing that really happened was going to London I accidentally forgot my key to my friend's place, and since I felt so bad about it I kept bringing it up when my Dad and I drove back home. He eventually told me not to worry about it, and it's not as though he had to go home to St. Thomas to grab my key and bring it back so I could stay the night because of an exam, we just needed to get in there to grab the last few things so I could leave the place as my friend was moving out of said place and therefore I obviously couldn't stay there anymore.
So boring day today but the best part of it is that I'm finally done my third year of University and I still can't believe it's done. I woke up today just thinking, 'in less than eight hours I'm going to be done third year', and just finding it unbelievable. Time has gone extremely first, I remember starting my first speech class ages ago, and now not only is that class over but so is everything else.
How was the exam? It was interesting. It was difficult but at the same time was not completely impossible. I think I at least did fairly well and I definitely did higher than just "a pass" (50%). I think I definitely got higher than that thankfully.
I then got to see Glee, the Madonna episode, which was absolutely the best episode of the series EVER. I don't think ANYTHING will ever live up to it. :D
Autism-wise, I think you can see where it happened. Me constantly going over in my head fifty times over that I can't believe school is over XD.
So I really need to stop going to bed so late at night because it is just draining every bit of energy I have. But for now, exams are almost over. Only one more tomorrow and then I can enjoy my summer thankfully.
I had a relatively enjoyable day today. I went to a party for my brother's baseball team and got to see my nephew again. What was also interesting though was that Chris and his family was there too so that was a surprise.
Autism-wise, not much happened except that I wound up going on and on about the writings I'm doing to get into the Creative Writing class at my school. They only take 20 students and no more than that, based on their work, so here's hoping I get in.
I'm a 22 year old student at King's College at the University of Western Ontario. I've been a member of students councils for the past 8 years of my life, including Communications Coordinator and Website Commissioner. I'm in Psychology at Western, and have a big passion for acting. I'd love to get into movies if I could, but for now, I'm just living life and loving my friends and the productions I'm in at school :).
