Love Yourself, Then Someone Else

Hey everyone. So to start off this is not a post meant to offend anyone. Please do not take it directed at you because it isn't. This is just me ranting about how I feel.

Basically I am first off, finally happy being single. The best thing I am able to tell myself is the fact that by being single, it will let ME pursue whatever I want out of life, in my case, to be an actor in the industry (movie/tv industry, not theatre not that anything's wrong with it as even it gives me experience with acting) but basically like I was saying...the best part about being single is the fact that it means I get to be my own person and no one is there necessarily grounding me to one place. Well aside from my mother, but she's just looking out for me like any mother would their child.

The thing I'm annoyed about however is my friend base where I live...not the city I go to school in 30 minutes away, but in my actual city/hometown. Everywhere I look people are getting engaged, or married. Not a day goes by that I don't get ANOTHER event invite on Facebook to the stag N do or BBQ or w/e for another one of my friends who is engaged. This just pisses me off because seriously most of these people are my age, or younger than me, or no older than 25. And while love is great and all, I'm happy for them in some ways, but to me I just can't help but think "YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED WHEN YOU'RE ONLY 22, ARE YOU CRAZY?" Like I said, while I believe love is great and all, there's a time for it, and that time is AFTER you've developed a stable job or profession for yourself, after you've done what I like to call "settled" your life. Where you're truly at the point where it doesn't matter if you get a partner or not, because you're at that point where you're ready to enter the next step of your life.

To me getting married under 25 is just TOO young. I mean look at the past, and I mean the far past, before the 70s, when people were getting married at 18. It was all fine and dandy for them because the boy would work and the girl would be able to stay at home with kids. But now, now it's just gotten to the point where we're returning to that stage, but unlike back then, the world has changed and so has the economy. In most cases (unless you're a doctor or high paying job), both people need to be able to have jobs to support their home. And how does one do that? To me it's quite simple, go to school, or trade school or some form of post-secondary education, get a degree, maybe do a Master's or something, and get into a Profession. THEN you can get married. But here in my city, it's like people are hopping on the marriage train just a short time after they have graduated from high school. I mean sure, maybe there are some people who are able to get their postgrad quite a short time after graduating and are making a good living for themselves, and that's great, but that's still a minority of people. The majority are still generally in school around this time, and frankly starting a family at this time is just too soon. What if you end up having a kid? Then what happens? Your post grad could be flushed down the tube, or you barely ever see the kid. In this city specifically, my worry is that the people getting married young are going to wind up where? Flipping burgers at McDonald's for the rest of their days just to scrape by. Where will I be? I'll be in Hollywood, making a name for myself and then having a family when I meet the right person. (Laugh if you want, I have all the confidence I need in myself to get here.)

Anyway, that was my rant. So to those of you who are single, especially if you're around my age, be happy you're single. You don't need someone to make you happy, and what's more, being single will allow you to be you, to make your life what you want it, and to not have to worry so much about supporting a family or anything like that. Yes, if someone presents themself to me, yeah I might wind up dating them, but don't think you'll see me going into a marriage anytime soon. Love may "make the world go round" but the fact is, the first thing you need to do is love yourself, then be able to support yourself, before you can EVER think about being able to love someone else. And also remember these wise words from RuPaul: "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love someone else?"

Love to all of you
Sean

PS. Autism-wise, nothing really big has been happening. I'm going to Florida again soon so my usual slight worry about flying is creeping up on me but otherwise nothing :) This summer really has been one of the best of my life so far :D

Letters to Juliet

Hey Everyone!

Day went quite well, I headed to London because I was hanging out with Lauren today. We had dinner at Jack Astor's which is always fun, and fattening :P. Then we went and saw Letters to Juliet, which was a beautiful movie. While yes, it was the usual romantic comedy, at the same time there were some very touching moments. Amanda Seyfried did a wonderful job as Sophie, yes she had the same name as her Mamma Mia character, whom wrote to a woman Claire who had written a letter to Juliet fifty years prior to the present time. I would go more into it like I have before but I don't want to spoil it for any of you romance-goers.

I'll post some more later, but autism-wise all that happened was that I kept worrying I was saying the wrong things to Lauren but of course I wasn't. Just my being paranoid :p

Talk some more later tonight!
Sean

Why Do We Want to Feel Needed?

Hey Everyone!

So quick update on the day. I worked as always with Chris. No tutoring today as we got all of it finished on Friday. I think autism-wise the only thing that really happened was the whole Chris thing I explained yesterday. Make sure to read yesterday's post as I'm not going to explain it again.

As for what I want to talk about well it's pretty simple. It's this whole fact that so many of us (the population) dating and everything, it's been making me think, why do we date? Is it a case of wanting to be needed? Or is it love? I've been thinking a lot and I don't know, I've been finding that we all have this need to feel needed. Why is it that so many of us feel we need someone not necessarily to be happy, but just for the whole companionship and such. I may know these days I don't need a relationship to be happy, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't like one just for the benefits of a relationship. Someone to love, someone who loves you, someone to hang with, someone to treat, someone who treats you, and someone who knows you so completely. Why is this? Why do we need this sort of thing?

I think the reasoning behind this is sort of what my friend said to me. "You know how tough it is to raise your hand in class if you're the only one who doesn't "get" something, or if you have an opposing viewpoint? But as long as you have that one other person who feels the same way, it makes it SO much easier? It's the same sort of idea. We're getting confirmation that we're on the right track. And that makes things easier."

I suppose he's right, but for now all I can pose is a question for you. Why do you think we always have to be in a relationship? Why can't we just be single and be so content that we never worry? Like George Clooney for instance? He's a bachelor and seems just completely content with it. So tell me, what do you think?

That's all tonight!
Sean

A Little Night Music

Hey Everyone!

I hope everyone is doing well. My life is going relatively fine, and I'm in a relaxed state which is wonderful. Summer vacation is just absolutely exciting being done so early, the end of April I mean. Knowing that I have four months of complete freedom is absolutely the best thing I could ask for.

Now my day consisted of sleep, work, and watching some television. Autism-wise, I think the only thing that really happened was lingering on talking about my schooling with Chris's mother as we often chat after I drop him off.

Now here's a nice little war story (don't ask why I wrote this, I don't know lol) that I submitted for the Creative Writing course.

" The war has been going for five years, and I am here in the middle of it. I’ve watched countless people die on both sides. Watching people strewn across the battlefield, their eyes gazing at me with pity, yet dark due to their life having left them. Their expressions have left them, their minds are blank, their dreams and hopes for the future shattered because of this chaos.

I remember this one soldier I met the other day, a young boy, someone who couldn’t be older than eighteen years, shorter than me, thinner at me, only beginning his time in this battlefield, his face appearing to be the face of a fourteen year old. ‘How can someone this young be subjected to this horror?’ I asked myself, but he answered that question with a bright-eyed smile, ‘To protect my family!’ It broke my heart to hear that the boy joined the war to protect his family who was on the other side of the world. To think it would only be two years later that that boy would die. I saw it happen, and I remember it like it was yesterday. He had just been stabbed by a blade and was on the floor of the tent, bleeding profusely. He looked up at me with sorrow and pain, not believing he was dying as he hadn’t lived his life. I couldn’t bear to see him this way, the life fading from his body and his eyes growing dark. He asked me to tell his parents he loved them, and I agreed but I truly did not know how I could tell his parents their son was dead. If it were me, it would be a devastating blow and I can imagine that’s how it will be for them.

Now two years later, I’m still here in this war, watching the skies turn dark from the smoke of bombs, the land that was once full of grass, lush and green, is now barren and brown. Everyone’s faces, so youthful and full of vigor, now looking old and withered. Why? Why has this war gone on so long? We entered believing it would be a brief bout, last maybe a couple days, or months at most, and now it’s been five whole years.

This war given me a lot to think about however, more than I would normally think about in a year. When people get hurt, they learn to hate. When people hurt others, they become hated and are wracked with guilt. But it seems that knowing that pain allows people to be kind, and in turn pain allows us all to grow. I’ve seen people in this war be kind to children of this country simply because they’ve experienced the pain of this war and know what they’re causing the children is just as painful. But how we grow in this world is up to us. Once you know pain and think about that pain, you can try and find the answer of how to stop it. The problem is, one after another people still are dying, because finding the answer to stop pain is beyond our comprehension. Just by living, we hurt others in the attempt to avoid being hurt ourselves. Our very existence ensures that hatred will never disappear. Peace and harmony don’t exist, not in this tainted world. I think though that it’s no longer about bringing peace to the world necessarily, it’s about bringing peace to ourselves before we can even attempt to bring peace to this world. If we have hatred inside, if we have pain inside, we will never be able to bring peace because all we’d wind up doing is bringing our pain and hatred with it, starting over this endless cycle once more. I’ve had it with this pain and hate-filled world, and I can’t bear to watch this endless cycle go on any longer. I know it might mean the end of me, but I think that if I can end this meaningless war, losing my life will be worth it. This endless chain is like a curse for the world, but no longer. I will end this curse, and if any kind of peace exists, I will grab hold of it and never let go.

These thoughts I’ve had, have been developing over the past several years of being here. While I realize that they may be immature, or childish to think, but I truly believe I can put an end to this fighting. That peace is out there and I intend to find it no matter what it takes, even if I have to sacrifice my life to achieve it. I’d rather my own family live and enjoy the peace, then have to live in fear the rest of their lives. They may be safe on the other side of the world right now, but how long will it be before the war is brought to them. It’s already taken over nearly half of this side of the world, so I will stop it before it reaches anything else. For freedom, for justice, for life, I hereby swear in writing, that I will end this war by any means necessary."
Some of the ideas about pain and such, are actually referenced from the manga Naruto as I liked how they put it and everything.

That's all tonight!
Sean