So quick summary of the day: got up, had to turn on the stupid pump for the pool but it means our pool will hopefully be open sooner than later, worked with Chris which wasn't bad since we watched the rest of Monsters Vs Aliens which is such a good film :p and then just went back home. Autism-wise, I think the only part that happened was when I saw two friends of mine at the mall (went there too :P). The thing was, they looked different so I was so unsure about whether I should say hi because what if it wasn't them? Then I'd feel soooo awkward. This probably isn't autism :P but I just have to say maybe it is?
Question for you all though on a general scale. Do you find that in this world, we're all secretly being graded? And I don't mean in school, I mean in public, in our friendships, our relationships, everything? I feel as though no matter what we're doing, even if just enjoying a movie with our friends, we're secretly being graded on how we act, what we do, and who we are. But I suppose that's how life is really; we're constantly being judged and placed next to a standard of how people are suppose to be, and if you are against that standard, you're generally shunned for it and separated from "the herd" if you will. This especially applies in more conservative areas, because everyone in those areas want you to follow their rules so if you try and go against it, or are different, you get kicked to the curb.
This I find is very true because throughout high school, I found that many people seemed that they liked me, but as the years went by, more and more people I found were becoming two faced. For example, students council president, I felt I had strong support and a lot of people in the school liked me, but then at the end when I lost, I found out I lost hard because I only got such a small amount of votes. Basically it just made me go "huh" because so many people had said they'd vote for me because of what I believed was best for the school, and then they turned around and voted for the other candidates. Why? It's plain and simple, the fact is because my autism resulted in me often acting weird with friends or getting in their personal spaces or talking more than I should on topics, as a result people just saw me as weird and therefore would treat me one way to my face but wind up actually being total idiots behind my back. What's more, at one point some idiot of a girl who had pretended to be my friend, created a group called "We Hate Sean" and it basically became a group of about 30 people, though more like 20 since ten were trying to defend me, who would bash me and talk about weird things I did. Such as the fact in music class, I was trying to help this one girl with her solo because I like to try and help people as much as I can, and on the site she goes and says something like "oh he tried to help me with my solo when he can't even sing", yet funny enough it was me getting the 80s and 90s on solos and her getting the 60s...(I apologize if that sounds as though I'm being petty, I'm just saying that I gave her my time when I could have practiced my solo to help her, and she goes around and slams me behind my back. The one good thing about this group was it helped show me who were my true friends, and who were petty fake people who frankly deserved no friends except those who were on that group. I really should have reported it to the Principal since it was cyber-bullying, but I felt I was strong enough to deal with it on my own, which I was slowly becoming more confident in myself. But when I look back, I almost wish I had reported it because then some of the people who had joined who are like 80+ well-respected students would have wound up expelled and it would have shown so many who they really were. But like I said, I'm not that type of person, and I just couldn't do that so I dealt with it on my own by reporting it to Facebook for it's removal and it was removed.
But like I said, it seems we're always being graded as to whether we fit the norm, or fit outside of it. This is another reason why I feel I belong in Toronto or New York or Hollywood, because unlike a place like St. Thomas or London, etc. it's a place that accepts those who perhaps are theatrical, or a bit over the top sometimes. So that's my rant for today. I hope you all enjoyed it and I appreciate you reading :D
Love always,
Sean
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